ANGELS

Once upon a time, there was a child ready to be born. So one day she asked God: They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow. But how am i going to live there being so small and helpless? God answered: Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you, and she will take care of you.

The child replied: Here in Heaven I don't do anything but sing and smile. That is all I need to be happy. Will I be happy on earth? God answered: Your angel will sing for you and smile for you everyday. And you will feel your angel's love and be happy.

The child continued: But how am I going to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language humans speak? God answered: Your angel will speak to you in the sweetest and most beautiful words you will ever hear. And with much patience and care, your angel will teach you to speak.

Still worried, the child asked God: What am I going to do when I want to talk to you? You r angel will place your hands together and teach you how to pray.

Still concerned, the child continued: But I hear that there are bad people on earth. Who will protect me? God replied: Your angel will protect you, even if it means risking her life.

Anticipating the sadness of separation, the child said: But I will be sad because I will not see you anymore. God reassured the child: Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way to come back to me, even though I will always be right next to you.

At that moment, there was much peace in heaven, but voices from earth could already be heard, and the child asked in hurry: Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel's name. God replied solemnly: Your angel's name is of little importance.

You will simply call her Mommy.

~Author Unknown~

AN ACTUAL DAY IN THE LIFE BEING GARRETT'S MOM

Wow, it has been a long time since I have added a post. I have been working on getting Garrett's Foundation up and running. Please check out the site www.garrettsfoundation.org. We are hoping to do a lot of good things for special children and their families.

Many people ask me what a typical day is like with a disabled child. Mostly, typical days are similar to everyones typical days, but with a few differences. Instead of learning to tie a shoe, we are learning to balance on a T-Stool. Instead of learning ABC's and 123's, we learn signs for different things. Instead of being stressed about Garrett running around and making a mess, I am trying to get him to walk with a walker. Instead of getting stressed because they are driving me crazy, I get stressed about trying to keep him alive in the blink of an eye (at the same time keeping my "cool" so my daughter does not get scared).

Yesterday, Garrett began showing symptoms of the cold that we have all been battling for the past few weeks. He can't have ANY kind of cold medicine due to his multiple seizure disorder, so I put the humidifier and vaporizer in his room last night. He did pretty well, only coughing a few times. We he awoke this morning, he began coughing, and due to his development delay, he can't cough hard enough to get the gunk up all of the way. He began to choke. He then could not get any air into his lungs. So, I called 911 and my mom. Meanwhile, I grabbed the bulb syringe and suctioned his throat. God, as usual, was right there with me, because I was able to get enough out of his throat that he could get some gasps of air into his lungs. During all of this, Kennedy was scared that he was going to die. I assured her all was well, and she began to pray. Thankfully, the EMS and my mom arrived at the same time. The EMS stabilized his breathing and we were off to the hospital on yet another ambulance ride. Garrett has the croup. Something a "normal" child can cope with without too much trouble, but it is something that can be life threatening to Garrett in the blink of an eye. After lots of medicine, pokes and 6 hours of observation, we were home. We have to go to his pediatrician tomorrow for a follow up dose of steroids, but he should be okay.

I am so very thankful for having Garrett for my son. He has taught me so much about life, love, patience and gratitude. I am grateful for every second that I have him in my life. I still do not know why God thought I was worthy to be Garrett's mother, but I have appreciation for that blessing. Not every mother gets to appreciate the small things about their children, so I consider myself very fortunate.

When your healthy children are running you ragged and driving you crazy, stop and hug them and be thankful for the blessing of them.

A TRIBUTE TO THE SOLDIERS

http://s259.photobucket.com/albums/hh289/Impish_Dragon/?action=view&current=Untitled.flv

MEMORIAL DAY

The bravest people in the world are soldiers that fight in wars and their families they leave at home. I admire them so much because I know I could never do what they do everyday. The families supporting them and worrying endlessly about them are also my heroes! I can't even imagine their pain, anxiety and sacrifice. It is a huge deal for them to not have their family member home for over a year. It is not just the soldier that joins the service, but the entire family. TO ALL OF YOU...THANK YOU!!!

Then there are the ones that pay the ultimate price...there are no words for their sacrifice. THANK YOU.

Every soldier that comes home from a war has wounds, many are just not visible. They sacrificed so much for their country, and now they have lifetime wounds. They deserve the best medical care and the best therapy services and equipment available. The most powerful and most wealthy country has no problem sending them into war, but ignores their bravery and service when they come home. The only thing I can say about that is, I AM SORRY.

I PRAY FOR ALL OF THE SOLDIERS AND THEIR FAMILIES TO FIND PEACE WITHIN THEMSELVES.

THANK YOU TO ALL OUR TROOPS...PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE. MY HEROES!

MOTHER'S DAY

Yesterday was an awesome day! I was able to sleep really late and was woken up with my kiddos, puppies, hubby, and breakfast in bed. Seriously, what else could one ask for? I am one lucky Mommy!
The absolute best thing in life is being a mom. The amount of heartache and worry is overshadowed by the overwhelming amount of joy. I 'm so blessed that I am able to stay home with them and watch every step of their childhood. We may not have the biggest house, or the fanciest cars, but we do have a lot of love in our house. I thank God several times everyday for my family. My life is all about GRATITUDE not ATTITUDE.
So many times yesterday, I thought and prayed for the mothers whose children are fighting in the war. I prayed for all of the mothers on both sides of the war. They are still mothers...still humans. HUMANITY needs to make a comeback.
I also prayed for the childless mothers on Mother's Day. Being at the hospital so much with Garrett, I have seen some mothers have to leave without their children. There is truly no greater pain, than the pain of losing your child. My Me maw has lived for more than 50 years after she lost her son, and it still causes her unspeakable pain.

IF ALL MOTHERS FROM AROUND THE WORLD CAME TOGETHER, HUMANITY, PEACE, TOLERANCE AND ACCEPTANCE WOULD RULE THE WORLD.

A MOTHER WOULD NEVER SEND SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD TO WAR.

A MOTHER WOULD STOP THE PAIN OF CHILDREN FELT AROUND THE WORLD.

ONE MOTHER WOULD HELP ANOTHER MOTHER FEED AND CARE FOR HER CHILD.

MOTHERS WOULD NEVER SELL THEIR CHILDREN TO GIVE THEM A "BETTER" LIFE WITHOUT A MAN DIRECTING HER TO DO SO.

A MOTHER WOULD GO TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH TO SAVE ONE CHILD THAT DOES NOT EVEN BELONG TO HER.

IF MOTHERS RULED THE WORLD, EDUCATION, HEALTH CARE AND SAFETY WOULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS...NOT OIL OR POWER.

IF MOTHERS RULED THE WORLD, BOYS WOULD GROW UP TO BE LOVING, CARING, GENTLE, NON-EGO MEN.

IF MOTHERS RULED THE WORLD....

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL OF THE MOTHERS THAT HAVE MOTHERED ME!!!!

THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

On April 12, 2000, at 8:33 pm, my life completely changed. I became a mother. There is no way that anyone can describe how it feels to become a mother for the first time. The moment they put Kennedy in my arms, I felt complete. This little being in my arms looked exactly like her daddy. She looked up to me with a look of recognition and a hungry nuzzle. The nurse was doing her best to explain breastfeeding, but I was engrossed in Kennedy. For the past eight years, everyday has been filled with her smiles, hugs and kisses. Kennedy has the kindest heart of any child that I have ever met. She is an old soul. She is wise and compassionate beyond her years. She has so much love in her heart for everything and everyone. She is the best big sister to Garrett, and wants more than anything for him to not be disabled. She told me the other day that she promises to take care of Garrett after we die. She came up with that comment out of the blue...that shows you how much she cares. Garrett had a crisis the morning of her birthday and we had to rush him to the hospital via ambulance. She was terrified. She thought her brother was going to die; to tell you the truth, we thought he might. She said that she does not need any presents for her birthday, she just wants him to be okay. I had many tears on that one. We had to work hard to get Kennedy here, but everything we did was worth it. She is a blessing to all.

I thank God for my daughter everyday. She will always be super special because she made me a mother. April 12,2000...the best day of my life.

GARRETT LOST HIS FIRST TOOTH TODAY

Garrett lost his first tooth today. He will be five on July 1st, so almost three months before he turned five. Kennedy lot her first tooth one month before she turned five. He finally did something developmentally appropriate!!!! I cried. He was thrilled...as you can see from the video. ENJOY!!!!!!

This brought many tears to my eyes

I found this poem on an eBay listing when I tried to find a new walker for Garrett. When I was pregnant with Kennedy, my best friend gave me a poem similar to this one, but it was for a normal child. This poem addresses moms with special children. If you have a special little one like I do, it will probably bring a tear to your eye.


The Lord took me to the crossroads and pointed the way for me to go,
The path it was overgrown and the journey would be slow.
He handed me my precious bundle, but I was hesitant and wanted to stay,
I asked why this path, when so many were going the simpler other way.
My God then smiled upon me, as He looked into my eyes,
It was a look so knowing, so comforting and wise.
“This child you carry is special, a great many challenges you will face,
But take heart, I will be with you and I have been preparing you all your life
To be here this day at this place.”
“Most will call this child handicapped and though you will face mountains
That many others will not be able to understand,
The simple joys this child brings will be incredible as you journey hand in hand.”
I had but one more question as I let a tear slide down my cheek,
I asked the Lord when the grass gets tall, or the water rises to deep, how will I know which
Way to go when the path I can no longer see?
My dear Savior touched the ground and showed me a footstep slightly faded with time,
And said “My child just look for these foot steps, they will guide you, for you see they are mine.”
“I traveled down this road with my son a very long time ago,
So that now as you and your child walk the way you will know.”

Well, there you have it. I will post the other poem I received with Kennedy later.

It seems to me that when God sees me struggling with being Garrett's mommy, He sends me His message. Now you know what the secret is..let God guide your way. Sometimes people ask me what the secret is to being a special needs mommy. LIKE I EVEN COME CLOSE TO KNOWING!!!! It is tough.

ALWAYS BLESSINGS...NEVER LOSSES

I saw a John Edward show today that had a profound message from a mother who had lost her child many years ago. She seemed so at peace with her loss, and John asked her what is her secret to finding peace. She said "Always blessings and never losses." John Edward could not speak and had tears in his eyes. The entire audience was crying.

When you have a disabled child, there is a grieving process that you go through. Truthfully, I think I am still in that process. When you have a baby, you think about everything he will go through in life and you look forward to experiencing those steps with him. Well, when you find out that your child will not achieve all of the things a normal child will achieve, you grieve the loss of your dreams. Then, you realize that you have to dream different dreams for him. Ultimately, Garrett is a happy boy and has no idea that he is not normal. It seems that he will always be happy in his world. He will not have any of the temptations and stresses in life. He will most likely not understand the stares and harsh comments from people. So, for him, life will always be good. For me, I look forward to his independence. I hope he will be able to perform basic tasks in caring for himself, but I will take whatever he is able to do. Mike and I know that we will always have to care for him, and we will prepare for Kennedy to take over after we are gone.

So, "always blessings and never losses" really hits home. I feel that we have been so blessed to have been chosen as Garrett's parents. He has taught me how to love without prejudice. He loves all people completely. He always has a smile for strangers. He has taught me to appreciate the small things. My grandfather use to say to not sweat the small stuff...I think he came back as Garrett. He has taught me patience. I really have never been a patient person, (and still sometimes I can blow my top) but I have had to have so much more patience. Garrett has also showed me to stop and smell the roses. After this past summer, I enjoy so much more time that I spend with them...which is all of the time. I am blessed to have Garrett, and I am thankful for being blessed. So, I resolve that I will no longer dwell on the losses and be thankful for all of the blessings.

Something New

Garrett has started to pull up on his knees at a door in the house and try to open the door knob. This is a really huge thing for him to do. It shows that he is able to think about how to get somewhere that he wants to go. He knows his mommy may be in that room and he wants to get in there. He has seen us open the door so many times and he finally decided that he can do it also.
When you have a special child like Garrett, the little things are so important. We never know what he will or will not be able to do in his world, so anything makes us thrilled. This particular thing shows gross motor, fine motor and cognitive development all in one thing. Really cool.

As Kennedy grew and developed, things like this were taken for granted. She developed so quickly, we wanted her to slow down. When I was pregnant with Garrett, I wished for a tiny baby that would not speed through infancy like she did. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

I enjoy every little thing Garrett does and every big thing that Kennedy does. She has become so much more brave. She went from being terrified of having water in her face, to jumping off the diving board. She would not get on the monkey bars because she was too afraid. Now, she sits on top of the monkey bars and is learning how to hang on them and walk with her arms. She even road a roller coaster yesterday! That was a gianormous step for her. I am so proud of my Chicken Little!

Kennedy is also doing so well with her homeschooling. She is doing very well with learning multiplication. She is an awesome reader. She really needs to work on her spelling and writing, but she gets that from me. She loves science...probably because I am a science geek. She is all about the body parts...again because biology is my thing. She is being very lazy lately, but apparently that is an age thing since all of her friends are having the same issue.

Well, that is all for today. Happy Easter.

ROSIE FINALLY SAW ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After many posts...Rosie finally responded to me. Happy day for me!!!!!!!!!!!

REALITY CHECK

Over the summer last year, we held our child's lifeless body in our arms too many times. God was and is good to us in that he revives him each time. I have been following many Caringbridge sites of sick children. Over the time that I have been following the sites, I have seen some children earn their angel wings and I have shed so many tears. One week ago a 2 1/2 year old little boy lost his courageous battle with cancer...again many tears. Then, his courageous parents posted pictures of his funeral and their precious little man being tucked in for the last time. I still have many tears over that picture...even as I write this post. His brave mom says that her children are her oxygen and when he was ill, her oxygen was being deprived. I could not agree more. Now, her heart has stopped beating. I can't imagine the pain they are feeling....

My son has had a higher than average chance of dying since the day he was born. Everyday when I go in his room to wake him up, I say a little prayer that he will wake up and that nothing happened to him overnight. I treat him with extra special care and I am very neurotic with his care. Maybe, I should get a grip and live like he is a normal child. Still, take a few needed precautions, but not be so neurotic. On Jan. 13 th, Mike and I took a one week cruise without the children. This was a HUGE step for us. We have never left them behind for anything before. My mom did an awesome job taking care of Kennedy and Garrett, and Garrett did not even realize we were gone so long. Kennedy, on the other hand, had a very difficult time. I have never left her before, so she was having nightmares and cried a lot. She has left me for a week before and never had any trouble, so I was surprised that she was having trauma.

It was great to have one week for just Mike and I. We have been neglecting us for so many years. We even spent our last anniversary in the hospital praying that our son would be okay. My doctor, told me that marriages with a disabled child have a 96% failure rate. I think that is kinda high, but I can't find any statistics to back that up or show a lower number. Regardless, we have decided to focus on us more. Hopefully that will give us an advantage.

My reality is different than the average stay-at-home mom, but I love everyday of it. The best paycheck is hugs, kisses and cuddles.

SOME ENCOURAGING WORDS TOLD TO ME ALONG THE WAY

His earthly body is temporary...his eternal spirit is whole....
His spirit has fought many battles and has been sent to me for safe keeping and rest....
I am blessed to have been chosen to guide his precious spirit....
These are three of my favorite.

Some days are harder than others...

When you are a stay at home mom, some days are really stressful, and most days are reely awesome. When you have a differently abled child, some days are harder than others. During the fall and winter seasons, Garrett does not do well. The constantly changing weather makes him feel terrible...which makes him VERY FUSSY! Sometimes it is like water torture. Monthly hormeone changes doesn't really help my stress level, but I do have one constant calming love force...KENNEDY!
Kennedy is the best big sister to Garrett. She gets irritated sometimes, but she loves him so much. Garrett thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread. He loves it when she plays with him and loves on him. He will go to her and play with her when he will not do something for someone else. She is a great help.

Mike has been working so much lately...either with his charity or his job...that we very rarely get any time together. I know that all marriages have issues like that, but it is different when you have a special child. My doctor told me that 96% of marriages that have a special child end in divorce. Just having that statistic hanging over our head adds more stress. I am trying to get him to commit to a week of just our time, but he is really not wanting to do so because of $. We had to buy a new car...my fault for having to have it now...so the cruise that we planned in January got put on hold. If we stay here, I will clean and get stuff done that I can not do when I always have the kids and he will work with his charity and get his needed stuff done. A catch 22. Whatever.

Everyday I thank God for sending Garrett to me, but most days I wonder why he felt I could do a good job. I have never been a patient person, but I have found alot of patience from somewhere within my being. It is funny because I had so many plans of how our life would be when we had our children...now I have to dream different dreams. Priorities can change in an instant. Now, instead of my children having to be the best, smartest, cutest, blah, blah, blah. It is important that they be the best them they can be. When people in public say "how old is your son, and you are still carrying him? He is still in diapers? He still takes a bottle? (not anymore :>) He is babbling?" I just kindly ask them how many children do they have, and when they answer, I ask them if they are all healthy children. When they answer yes, I tell them to be thankful for them and show compassion for those that are not healthy. They usually turn their head and walk away. I am proud of my son. I am proud that at 4 1/2 years old that he can play pat-a-cake by himself and that he can now drink out of a sippy cup. I am proud to say that yes he does still wear diapers and that yes I do have to carry him...because it is better than not having him at all. So, THANK YOU GOD FOR CHOSING ME TO BE GARRETT'S MOM!

Changing the subject...

The 3 Day has come and gone. It was an experience that I will always take with me, but not something that I will do again until I have more time to train.

Now the subject of the blog is changing. Now the subject will be about a day in the life of having a disabled child. I also have a normally-abled child and a third child that I call Husband ;o).

Kennedy, is my 7 1/2 year old daughter that is home schooled. She, of course is brilliant, kind and a love bug. She is a great big sister to Garrett and is aware of his disabilities. She helps him and protects him. She is very matter-of-fact to other children that ask "What is wrong with your brother?"

Garrett is a 4 year old disabled child. He is a blessing in our lives and we are grateful that he is still with us. There have been enough close calls that my hair is going gray way too early! We do not know the cause of his disability; although, we are working towards that goal.

There are many joys and heartbreaks that go along with having a disabled child. The joys are bigger and more profound than with a normal child. When your disabled child finally accomplishes something you cry tears of joy and relief. The heartbreaks can be devastating if you let them, but my faith in God has kept me going through the heartbreaks.

So, this will be a log of my journey of motherhood for a normal child and a differently-abled child.
Please feel free to leave comments.

The 3 Day is almost here!

Wow! In just a few short days, I will be leaving for Dallas to begin my 60 mile journey! When I first began, it seemed so far away, now it is hard to believe it is only five days away. Thank you so much to all of you that have supported me on this journey. It means alot. The next post will be about the 3 day...hopefully with pictures!

Fundraising

Raising the required $2200 is so much more difficult than I thought is was going to be. Most of the people who said they were going to donate, did not. So, the amount that I "thought" I was going to have, ended up being about 10%. I have about six weeks to raise the rest of the money, or I will not be able to participate. IF YOU ARE READING THIS, please support me in this journey. 60 miles is along way to walk. It should be worth some support. Especially, when the stats are that 1 in 8 women will be affected by breast cancer in their lives. My original goal was to raise $5000, but, at this point, I will be elated with raising the required amount.
PLEASE HELP!

Training

Well, training is going slow. I took a little break because Garrett has been in and out of the hospital several times in the last month. Hopefully, we will not be back there EVER, so now I can resume my training .

It is overwhelming to me that 1 out of 8 women will be touched by breast cancer in their lifetime. 1 in 8!!!!!!!!! It is pandemic. That will leave too many motherless children...too many spouses without a wife...too many parents without a child...too many siblings without a sister....
It takes my breath away to think about children having to lose their mother.

I CHOOSE TO TAKE A STAND!
I choose to get out and exercise to lose weight and decrease my risk of all cancer.
I choose to walk 60 miles, so that the brains of the research community can have some money to stop women from loosing their boobs and more importantly, their lives.
I choose to let my daughter see that one person can make a difference.
I choose to fight for her breasts.
I choose to show all peaple watching us walk, that I care about their lives.
I choose to walk, and walk, and walk...

The ultimate assult to a women's vanity, is not to lose her hair, but to lose her breasts.
I would let someone shave my head if they would give enough money to support my walk. It is just hair...it will grow back. A breast will not.

If I have to walk alone, I will. I had visions of showing up in Dallas with an army of women with me walking the streets wearing all the same shirt. What a huge message this would be. Everyone could see that we women are serious about keeping our boobs!

If you cannot join the walk, then maybe you know someone that would be willing to take a stand with me. Please pass this along, and please click on the link below to visit my personal site on The 3 Day.org. When you visit the site, please leave something to show that you are done with breast cancer.

One of the mottos of the training shirts of The 3 Day is " I WALK FOR_____" and you fill in the blank. Well, I walk for ALL.

ROCK the WALK!

OOPS!

I guess I should have included the team website so you can join!
www.the3day.org/dallas07/lifesavers

Please Join Me!

At this point, I am the only member of The Lifesavers. Originally, I thought my two aunts were going to join me, but it turns out that they cannot. I would love for anyone to join my team, whether I know you or not. The more money we can raise, the better! It would be really cool to have the largest team at the Dallas/ Ft. Worth walk. So reach into your soul, converse with the universe and get out your walking shoes because We have 60 miles to walk!